08 The first step

In my inner self, I could see the seed as a dim light, and my Master that had now a normal size, with a bright red light around her. She explained that here one could look as desire if the master of the place allowed it or if the guest was more powerful than the host. “Your inner self is your own kingdom, and If you want to defend it, you have to be strong”, she said. That was strange, because she already told me that it was a taboo to enter without permission. “Yes, it obviously taboo… only if you get caught.”

At that moment I understood that the cultivator world, where the same as the mortal word, but with higher stakes. It was a sobering thought.

“Now, we will start. You will feel pain, but not as before. Even so, you have to be careful”, my Master advised me.

The first thing that I had to do was release all the two types of energy that I had on my body and send it to the seed. The process had to be do it slowly, both poured in equal measure. It was simple but tedious. My Master told me that I couldn’t rush the process, but it was pretty boring. I thought that perhaps if I do that, and do it well she would complimented me. Perhaps I was a genius.

I let more energy to flow to the seed, it was stable and I could feel it in my body. It was getting stronger, and the seed began to grow roots. The roots had a beautiful blue glow so intense that for the first time, I could see around. It was a blank space, I couldn’t see any limits, and a sound like a river could be heard far away. I saw my Master smile and I was so happy that I began to be faster. When I did that, the smile of Master grow.

Perhaps I was really a genius, I was really proud of myself, until the pain began.

It was worse than the other time. So painful that I could not stay in my inner self. I could feel my blood running like wild horses. My heart was so fast the every pump, hurt. I could breath. My vision was becoming blurry, and even with my eyes wide open, I could see darkness.

“Stupid little girl! When I told you to do something, you have to do it!,” my Master shouted and I began to feel better.

After a while I could breathe easily, and I could enter my inner self. My seed has almost any light. Also I couldn’t hear the sound of the river. It was as the first time I entered there, perhaps worse.

“Your stupidity almost caused your death. I was sure that you would do something dumb, but this? This is beyond dumb! Di I not tell you to concentrate on what you were doing? Did I not tell you to do it slowly?”

“But Master, you were smiling… —I retorted with the only thing that I could say“.

“Of course I was smiling! I wanted to for you to have pain! I knew that you would try to be faster. Everyone do that! I did the same mistake when I was younger. But I have never believed that you will not be concentrating in the process! Haven’t I told you that this step was deadly while using my technique? I had seen a lot of young people been crippled while doing the first step with their techniques that are a lot easier than mine, and not as dangerous, but you did not even care! Now look at your seed! Almost dead! I saved it before it was too late, but right now I am thinking that it would be better if let you die; because next time your death could be more painful and gruesome! Do you want that?!”

I was ashamed. I couldn’t said anything. Saying that I was amazed by the growing of my inner self would only bring more shame. I couldn’t look to her eyes.

“All what we did was lost in the process. You will have to start anew –said my master, this time more calmly—, but this time I will be more severe, and if something similar happen again, I will not save you. I don’t want to have a disciple that don’t see me as their master. Do you understand?”

I wanted to cry, but I know that I couldn’t. I only nodded. “This time I will obey”, thought.

My master told me to exit my inner self and began to meditate. I would have obtain again the yang energy and also the yin one. I would have to meditate under the sun and under the moon, for many days, almost without sleeping. Without care of the rain, winds or heat.

I did that for two years before I was ready to try it again.

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